Just for the record, I don’t own a crystal ball. But I have a feeling on things like this. Call it a sixth sense. Where most people have ESP, I have OSP (Obama Speech Perception). I can basically tell what Obama is going to say before he says it, as long as the speech has been written into a teleprompter somewhere. Since Bobo doesn’t know how to adlib, and gets into trouble every time he does, everything he says throughout the course of the day is written into a teleprompter. What the hell else do you think Denis McDonough does at the White House? So, it’s with that in mind that I give you the topics to be covered in tonight’s State of the Union, which Obama has called “a change in format”.
The first thing Obama is going to do is ask for 100 more wishes. I know…that’s stupid and silly, but that’s what the teleprompter says. He wants congress to grant him 100 more wishes. Second, he wants to ask congress to repeal the 22nd Amendment so he can actually get into the Democrats’ run for the White House this year. Citing Hillary’s soon-to-be legal problems, and the fact she lied to him (can you believe it???); he feels he deserves a “do-over” on his first term. Knowing now what he didn’t know then, that he really didn’t have to work with congress at all, he wants another four years because he wasted the first four trying to do things “the traditional way”. But, if congress doesn’t want to grant him this wish, Bobo is ready to issue another executive order.
Obama will then say that he’s going to abolish congress. It’s too close to the people, too hard to work with, and really doesn’t do anything that he wants them to do. Besides, he doesn’t need them anyway. He wants to get out there and plead his case without a bunch of weirdos telling him he’s wrong and suing him all the time. This will be followed by abolishing the Supreme Court. That’ll teach those guys to slap down his authority 14 different times on a 9-0 vote!
Next up, Obama will dissolve NATO, saying that we don’t need to live in the past. NATO worked fine while we were in a cold war with the Soviet Union, but that’s all ancient history. We need a new agreement to deal with our number one enemy…carbon. Everything made of carbon; everything that exudes carbon needs to be eliminated. Because carbon is what is increasing the temperature of the planet and it is causing this huge spike in our temperatures…well, that and another executive order telling the NOAA to fudge the numbers on their readings.
Finally, Obama will unveil a new flag that Malia and Sasha made. It’s based on the Chinese flag, but has one white stripe running down the middle signifying the white stripe running down Obama’s back. He will tell the nation that like NATO, it’s time to re-do the flag, the constitution, the pledge of allegiance, and the national anthem. As soon as Malia and Sasha are done writing those things, he’ll unveil them… probably in a Rose Garden Ceremony. And just for laughs he’ll invite Beau Bergdahl’s parents to come back to the White House…they seemed like such nice people the last time they were there.
There you go…now you can spend an hour playing Parcheesi or Monopoly, or actually reading a book and learning something. Oh, and you’re welcome!
Carry on world…you’re dismissed!