In a rare moment of truthfulness, Hillary Clinton addressed a campaign stop in Wisconsin yesterday and announced that she had indeed lied to the American people about her email server. It had contained classified documents. She did send classified documents and she received classified documents, some of them were Top Secret. She apologized with tears in her eyes for what she called, “My Monica moment”, and asked that the Democrats in attendance forgive her.
Then she stunned the crowd with the following statement: “Knowing that I’ve abused my privilege as a leader, and knowing that I can never be trusted by the American people to make the tough decisions that a president needs to be made, I am hereby suspending my campaign for the presidency effective immediately and I am releasing my delegates, and the super delegates. I am asking those delegates to vote for Bernie Sanders, an honorable and honest man. I am truly sorry for my foibles, and I will go back to making millions on the lecture circuit and living the life of a quiet, multi-millionaire.”
The crowd was stunned. Half of the crowd applauded the decision, half the crowd sat in stunned silence. A few wept openly, and one woman tore her bra off and threw it at Hillary calling her a “traitor to male suppression”. Clinton then waved to the crowd, kicked her Secret Service escort in the balls, and strode off to her waiting limousine. She took no questions from the press.
Bill Clinton was at the same event, was standing behind Hillary after she made her stunning announcement, and took over the microphone after Hillary left the podium. “Shucks”, said Bill, “I really wanted to get back to the White House. You get laid a lot more often in that building than any other, except for that place in the Caribbean that I go to…yeah…that’s a really nice place down there!” He then shrugged his shoulders and walked off, grabbing some cute girl’s ass on the way.
CNN, CNBC, MSNBC, CBS, ABC, and NBC all broke into regular programming with the announcement. The tone had the feel of a presidential assassination. One commentator on CNN made the comment, “We will always remember where we were and what we were doing when we heard that Hillary was suspending her campaign”. There were tears in her eyes when she made the comment.
Carry on world…you’re dismissed!