Clinton Sets New Campaign Record!

We all like records. I guess that’s part of being an American. And so today, we need to congratulate Hillary Clinton for setting a world record in American politics. She has now introduced herself and re-introduced herself to the American public more than any other political candidate for president in US history! This is a HUGE accomplishment that surpasses the first woman running for president as a major party’s nominee. This is actually ground breaking!

In case you haven’t heard, Hillary is about to unleash a $7.8 million advertising campaign introducing her to the American voters. This is the fourth time(?) that she has done so, setting a record set by Grover Cleveland who actually won the popular vote for the presidency three separate times, and introduced himself to the American public each time (1884, 1888, and 1892, though he lost to Benjamin Harrison in 1888). No one however, has actually accomplished the task in the same campaign season. Hillary has done so because all three of her previous attempts have been regarded as wasted energy, as millions of Americans have yawned, and turned back to their bar-be-ques.

Actually, this time around IS going to be different. Hillary’s no longer “ready”. She’s no longer going to “fight for you”. And she’s no longer going to be “the first woman president”. Now, she a champion for the children. See, liberals everywhere can’t resist doing things “for the children”. Those three words carry more weight than almost any phrase in the English language, and Hillary realizes that she is going to have a tough time winning in November. Hell, she had a terribly tough time winning against Bernie Sanders who needed oxygen pumped in at every campaign stop. So now, it’s “for the children”…which rings true in every liberal circumstance except when it comes to “a woman’s right to choose”. Then “for the children” takes a back seat.

I personally think Hillary set another personal world record. I think she’s set the record for introducing herself more times with less attention than just about anyone in history…especially for someone “so famous” that everybody already knows her name and is sick of her. Well, except for those handful of women’s libbers that are still living. They ARE still living, right?

It really doesn’t matter what image Hillary Clinton tries to portray. She can be the champion of the American people or the loving, gentle grandmotherly type, people see her as a shrieking, screaming bitch that throws lamps at her Secret Service detail and has one of the filthiest mouths in politics. That’s an image that’s hard to change. Oh, and they don’t trust her any farther than she can throw one of those priceless lamps either. That’s probably because she’s lied so many times about so many different things that no one knows what’s coming out of her mouth. But that’s Hillary…uh…the NEW and Improved Hillary!

Carry on world…you’re dismissed!


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